Before I begin ranting, which is the wonderful part about a blog - no one can interrupt me or debate any of my thoughts, I just get to say anything I want - I want to recognize my brother's comment. As you can tell he was raised and still is a good Catholic, but sometimes finds himself being pulled into the herd...Some day oh great Facebook, he will check his status during the game - it may have to be at half time, but it will still count as a victory for you. As to your Captain, Twitter, I'm not sure he is doing a good job at recruitment because I have no F***ing idea what a tweet is or how I would even go about stalking someone by tweeting at them?
John Hartman9:22pm Jul 10th
Ha, you saw that green light, didn't you. Its like a game of "made you look." If you figure out what the f*** twitter is, let me know because as far as I can tell it is high tech stalking and self ego stroking. I still have a dumb phone and don't care about what others are doing or thinking so I attend facebook like most Catholics attend church, only once in a while and definitely not if football is on.
Anyways, on to my original thought....One of the challenges that I have been facing as a new member of the WWW herd is learning what words really mean and how to us acronyms for all the important phrases in my life - which really is convenient because I can't tell you how many times I have made the mistake of typing "laughing out loud" vs. LOL - OMG I'm LMAO at how awesome that is. While I would love to stream an entire sentence in Acronyms at this point those 3 are sadly the only ones I know so far WAFLIA (What A F-ing Loser I Am). * Just as a note this was intended to be an Adult posting, but I think I will limit the nasty language unless it is truly needed, this is due to some young "Friends" that I have on Facebook and to increase my GRS (Google Revenue Stream).
As far as I can tell the great and almighty Facebook has done to the word "Friend" what McDonald's did to the words "small", "medium", and "large". Because before I became a follower, there were only certain types of people (other than family) that I would encounter in my day - stranger, acquaintance and Friend. So, McDonald's makes the small a "kids", the medium a "regular" and the large a "Super Sized". So now everyone expects to skip right over the small and go straight to the medium, as medium is "regular". Facebook decides that you either have "Friends" or people they recommend to be my friend - where is the stranger column? So I guess as stranger is a kid now? An acquaintance is a "Friend" and a real friend would be? Is there a way I can Super Size my real friends on Facebook?
As a reminder that I treat this like anything else in my life - a way to increase my GRS (see above acronym), so click on the Ads and make me some money!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
A Confused welcome to the herd.
While I'm not amazed by some of the reactions that I have gotten by my sudden change of heart and unexpected embrace of the holy master, WWW, and its ranking Captain known as Facebook, I would like to clarify that is was not just one of his followers that recruited my soul, but a concerted effort by several individuals.
While it is true, that I was out drinking the night of my conversion with my friend Mike, he can not be credited with 100% of my soul. It was a series of conversations with different individuals, as well as one of the leader's true believers, my wife, with her continuous efforts of recruitment that has made me a convert. At one time she told me that it would make her "really happy" if I got a Facebook account...she doesn't even get "really happy" when I do the lawn? So hopefully my conversion has brought her great joy and she has been promoted or rewarded by our great leader.
I think that people who truly know me would have the same reaction if I posted (see I'm evening learning this new language) that I had gone to Church today. I have spent my adult life bashing organized religion and Social Media, the whole while wishing I could embrace something like everyone else was to bring joy and distraction to my life. Everyone that had nothing in common, now has something in common, Facebook, and finally I been branded and joined the herd!
The more conversations I had with people the more I realized that my resistance to the cult was futile and that if I ever wanted to see pictures of my nieces and nephews, have any clue what is going on with my "Friends" (I will explain the " " marks around Friend on a later post) and Family, understand what 90% of the conversations going on around me were or stop having that glazed look on my face when a co-worker lets me know about what was going on with my Family, I had to join the herd. While my new membership in the bother/sister hood of the WWW cost me my soul, it was worth it. Before I felt as if my life and everything going on around me was being held hostage by someone or something (that is how Facebook has moved up so quickly in the ranks of the WWW), but now I have been liberated. By simply creating a user name and password my life was given back to me by the great Facebook...I now have seen pictures of my wedding, my son as a baby (he is 3 & 1/2 now), birthdays, holidays, etc. that I had never seen before.
I will finish each post with the same reminder...if you enjoyed reading my thoughts please come back and click on the Facebook damn (that was play on words..instead of "God damn" - just in case you missed it) advertising so I can get paid. The great and almighty Facebook has promised me that there is money to collect on this interconnected web of computers across the world, and I want my share. My hope is to go viral, so ping you friends with this blog, text them the "www", spray paint it on their wall, comment on their Face or whatever you can do to get me rich. If you think that this thing sucks then don't come back and if you are offended by my remarks to religion then UnFriend me because it ain't going to get any better.
While it is true, that I was out drinking the night of my conversion with my friend Mike, he can not be credited with 100% of my soul. It was a series of conversations with different individuals, as well as one of the leader's true believers, my wife, with her continuous efforts of recruitment that has made me a convert. At one time she told me that it would make her "really happy" if I got a Facebook account...she doesn't even get "really happy" when I do the lawn? So hopefully my conversion has brought her great joy and she has been promoted or rewarded by our great leader.
I think that people who truly know me would have the same reaction if I posted (see I'm evening learning this new language) that I had gone to Church today. I have spent my adult life bashing organized religion and Social Media, the whole while wishing I could embrace something like everyone else was to bring joy and distraction to my life. Everyone that had nothing in common, now has something in common, Facebook, and finally I been branded and joined the herd!
The more conversations I had with people the more I realized that my resistance to the cult was futile and that if I ever wanted to see pictures of my nieces and nephews, have any clue what is going on with my "Friends" (I will explain the " " marks around Friend on a later post) and Family, understand what 90% of the conversations going on around me were or stop having that glazed look on my face when a co-worker lets me know about what was going on with my Family, I had to join the herd. While my new membership in the bother/sister hood of the WWW cost me my soul, it was worth it. Before I felt as if my life and everything going on around me was being held hostage by someone or something (that is how Facebook has moved up so quickly in the ranks of the WWW), but now I have been liberated. By simply creating a user name and password my life was given back to me by the great Facebook...I now have seen pictures of my wedding, my son as a baby (he is 3 & 1/2 now), birthdays, holidays, etc. that I had never seen before.
I will finish each post with the same reminder...if you enjoyed reading my thoughts please come back and click on the Facebook damn (that was play on words..instead of "God damn" - just in case you missed it) advertising so I can get paid. The great and almighty Facebook has promised me that there is money to collect on this interconnected web of computers across the world, and I want my share. My hope is to go viral, so ping you friends with this blog, text them the "www", spray paint it on their wall, comment on their Face or whatever you can do to get me rich. If you think that this thing sucks then don't come back and if you are offended by my remarks to religion then UnFriend me because it ain't going to get any better.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
My first Blog, please ease it in
The point of this blog is for me to share my cynical ass remarks regarding technology, Facebook, blogging, etc.
I know as someone reads this that they will be thinking...what a hypocritical jerk...which is the point. I have had an epiphany over the last few weeks to realize that while I hate all this shit, that it is the only way that anyone communicates anymore.
So, here is a little backdrop:
I went out drinking last night and came home to a nice tall glass of Captain and Coke and an empty home. Not wanting to go to bed I decided to open up my lap top and do what everyone else does - surf the WWW. First problem with that for me is that my exposure to the WWW is limited to emails, online banking (God himself - that's right I said HIMself because everyone knows he is a man - must have created online banking) and the occasional google search. So, that takes about 5 minutes, now what.
I equate the WWW to religion...I see everyone around me turning to it for comfort, thinking about it every minute of every day, spending quality time with it and entrusting their unquestionable faith...but I just can't embrace it. I stand outside the temple of the World of the Web wanting to believing in it and let it take my soul on the journey that all my piers are on, but until now the dark cloud that surrounded my soul must had warded off it's demon angels from taking me into it's cold embrace. But finally my soul softened and was ripe for the picking and one of Web's dark soldiers lead me to the Gate's of their secret society...Facebook.
So here I sit on my couch typing away on something called a Blog with my brand new fancy Facebook account and get numerous emails that engross me and fill my day with interesting things on my phone. So now I no longer have to spend the day with my own thoughts because I have my phone to cradle and wait for the next notification to pop up. As I was typing that last sentence I had to look over to see if the green light was blinking on my phone to notify me that my new Master was beckoning me, but He was not in need of my services.
I'm not sure how long a Blog should be so I'm going to stop my first one. One last thought though, I did create the user SOLD my soul so of course I am like every other asshole with a Blog and Ad Sense on it. If you like my blog click on the damn Ad thing so I can get paid!!
I know as someone reads this that they will be thinking...what a hypocritical jerk...which is the point. I have had an epiphany over the last few weeks to realize that while I hate all this shit, that it is the only way that anyone communicates anymore.
So, here is a little backdrop:
I went out drinking last night and came home to a nice tall glass of Captain and Coke and an empty home. Not wanting to go to bed I decided to open up my lap top and do what everyone else does - surf the WWW. First problem with that for me is that my exposure to the WWW is limited to emails, online banking (God himself - that's right I said HIMself because everyone knows he is a man - must have created online banking) and the occasional google search. So, that takes about 5 minutes, now what.
I equate the WWW to religion...I see everyone around me turning to it for comfort, thinking about it every minute of every day, spending quality time with it and entrusting their unquestionable faith...but I just can't embrace it. I stand outside the temple of the World of the Web wanting to believing in it and let it take my soul on the journey that all my piers are on, but until now the dark cloud that surrounded my soul must had warded off it's demon angels from taking me into it's cold embrace. But finally my soul softened and was ripe for the picking and one of Web's dark soldiers lead me to the Gate's of their secret society...Facebook.
So here I sit on my couch typing away on something called a Blog with my brand new fancy Facebook account and get numerous emails that engross me and fill my day with interesting things on my phone. So now I no longer have to spend the day with my own thoughts because I have my phone to cradle and wait for the next notification to pop up. As I was typing that last sentence I had to look over to see if the green light was blinking on my phone to notify me that my new Master was beckoning me, but He was not in need of my services.
I'm not sure how long a Blog should be so I'm going to stop my first one. One last thought though, I did create the user SOLD my soul so of course I am like every other asshole with a Blog and Ad Sense on it. If you like my blog click on the damn Ad thing so I can get paid!!
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